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The love, laughter and the life of raising a child with special needs.

What is his gift?

5/9/2014

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I was chatting with a friend earlier today about Zidane and his autism, and halfway through the conversation, she asked "What's his gift?". I paused, knowing she had asked with the best of intentions but cringing at the question all the same. Zidane does have what we might call a gift. He can remember numbers that he has seen or heard with ease, and my reply to her was a recollection of a time he stood beside the ATM machine that we were waiting to use and shouted the PIN numbers of all of the people he had seen use it along with a description of the individual. We are yet to apply this talent to his academic work.

The expectation however of all individuals with autism having a gift however is unrealistic and has been force-fed to society through Hollywood's depiction of autism. We are only taught to accept autism when it  produces exceptional talent. 

The reality of autism is far different. Individuals on what is known as the lower end of the spectrum aren't verbal. They might not be able to control their bowels. They might need help carrying out the most basic of tasks. Going up the spectrum, all individuals on the spectrum share difficulties with social communication. Autism is hard work, for those that care for individuals and for those that live with it. For every individual with a 'gift', there are thousands with no gift to speak of. 

'Rain man' needs replacing as the poster child for autism. I am yet to watch a movie that depicts autism in what I would consider to be realistic in that it is reflective of the experience of the majority of families living with it. There isn't a film with a Mother spoon-feeding her teenage child that cannot feed himself. There isn't a film showing a family that can't go on outings because of their child's sensory difficulties. No movie has shown echolalia or tics explaining them to be symptomatic of what autism is, or the dangers of wandering. Instead, the media has put a filter on the autism spectrum and portrayed an expectation of that most people with autism cannot meet. 

When has the parent of a neuro-typical child been asked "What is his gift?". Neuro-typical children are accepted and praised without a special talent or attribute that makes them 'special'. They are accepted as they are. 

So, the next time I am asked "What is his gift?" I have my reply ready. "HE is MY gift". 
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